Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
