How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
