Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
