So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
