I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
