so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
