The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
