your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
