So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
