am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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