Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
