I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
