When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
