i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
