everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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