so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Michael Bay diarrhea
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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