I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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