What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize