I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
