My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
