I love black thongs
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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