I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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