UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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