Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my shit smells like andre
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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