I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
