why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
