I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
