I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
