We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Randomize
