I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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