i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
