i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize