just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
