They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
