When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
