I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
