anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
