i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We need to get me chipped asap
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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