Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize