In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
