Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
