i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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