I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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