I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
