So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
