please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Who died my cat blue again?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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