He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
