If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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