This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
