Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
