I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
