That's when you crack a 10am beer
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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