community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
