I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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