i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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