By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
