I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
