I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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