Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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