she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
