You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
