How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
