I'm really into asian looking animals
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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