I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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