Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
