You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
