I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
whose ass print is on the piano?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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