hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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