why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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