I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
