Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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