just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
