Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
