I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
