I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
A+ Viking dick
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
