I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
