I just saw a hot homeless man
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
