i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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