I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize