White coat. Heels.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
