I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
