let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
