so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
