So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We are two peas in an std pod
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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